we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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