He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
