yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize