I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
