I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
