or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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