She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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