I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize