I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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