If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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