shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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