I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
