I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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