I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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