i just had sex bonerless
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
