theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
