Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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