people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
