do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
