I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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