You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
