i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
