3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I cockslap morals
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
