we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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