remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
