We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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