Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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