what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
