You work out of a Hotel?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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