one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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