White coat. Heels.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
