I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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