You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
