For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
