We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
