in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If I had your ass I would rule the world
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
