Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
