There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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