Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
