just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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