I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
