So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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