Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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