Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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