I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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