So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
