Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
