Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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