I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
