fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm at about main and main street
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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