i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
